Shadchans, Wierdo's, and Dogs

And so the 's' word rears it ugly head again, and I am faced with either ignoring, crying, ranting, or laughing about my little incident with the ever so famous 'shadchan'. I use the term in the singular, because at this point, they all seem to blend into one big disapproving giant purple (Yes, I think purple is fitting) blob that floats around like a huge super-sized slug saying: "YOU MUST COMPROMISE...YOU WANT TOO MUCH... SETTLE SETTLE SETTLE...BLAHHHHH"

Since I started 'seeing' shadchans a year and a half ago, I have often found the experience to be more painful than dating itself. In my first 'rant' on shadchan's, I equated them to the psychological equivalent of an OB/GYN exam - embarrassing and painful, yet unfortunately necessary. Today, I'm beginning to even wonder about necessity.

My 'interview' initially went rather well - it was excellent in fact. We made it through all of the majors without any 'disapproving' glances or lectures. It was 'okay' that I wanted someone that was educated. It was 'fine' that I wanted someone that had (or will have) some kind of parnassah. And she didn't even flinch when I said I tend to be attracted to guys taller than 5'7". So far, so good! I was excited. It was going great. Maybe she could know my b'sheret. It seemed possible. Wow, one step closer! Then just as the conversation was coming to a close, I made a fatal flaw. I told her that I loved nature, horseback riding, and I had... a dog. Well, you can imagine, it was as if the happy background music suddenly trumpeted into the deflated sounds of "waaahhh waaah waaaahhh...". Alas, I was defeated again.

But the pain was not yet over. Oh no, that would have been too easy. So instead of making a clean break, I had to listen to 30 minutes of why I need to be open to giving this particular 'something' up for my future husband. So I sat patiently listening to an explanation which included stories about scabies, parasites, fleas, and ticks. Which, if you ever wondered, scabies are apparently very disgusting little creatures! Then after we covered those basics, we dove headfirst into the halachic issues of dog ownership as well.

Well, that was fun! And no matter how many times I kept trying to interject and explain that the scenario of me being faced with this decision was highly impropable, I was not allowed to finish my sentence. I was barely given the time to explain that it seems highly contradictory that the type of person I would be attracted to in general would 'insist or demand' that I give my dog away.

But it didn't matter... none of it did. Nothing I could say mattered. It didn't matter that I love nature and want to share that experience with my husband, or that I love horseback riding, and at least hope he doesn't mind if I go (hopefully he'll want to join me), and it didn't matter that I rescued this beaten and abused dog from the pound, helped her learn to trust again, and have had her with me for six years - none of it mattered. I didn't matter anymore... not once I stepped too far outside of the dreaded box!

And so the meeting came to an end and I left as frustrated as usual. I felt drained, disrespected, and judged - which are all really great feelings to have when you're pretty much living on your own as an immigrant in a new country. In the taxi on the way home, I nearly stopped at my secret rose garden to take a walk, reminisce, and regroup... but I did have to get home and walk the dog... responsibility and commitment are part of the territory of dog ownership... too bad that couldn't have been the focus instead.

So I came home, put the 'infamous' dog on a leash, and headed out around the block. As I was walking, a man that I've seen in the neighborhood nearly every day for the last year, approached me for the first time as I was ever so glamorously picking up dog poop, and said in broken English, I kid you not, "The dog is bad. You treat it like a son. You need a husband." Then he proceeded to offer himself up as one, of which I kindly declined, threw the dog poop away, and walked into the house... completely stunned!